Attention, single people, engaged people, newlyweds, and expectant parents! Whether you are a major spender or a major saver, a planner or a seat-of-your-pantser when it comes to money, there is a dirty little secret that you will never hear from your financial advisor or just about anybody else. Here it is:
Pre-school is as expensive as college, and can last just as long.
If you ever went to a financial advisor, took a personal finance course or read a book about it, you have been repeatedly hit over the head with two things: save for college and save for retirement. But no one ever says “save for pre-school.”
Maybe it is because I live in Boca Raton, but my experience is that the pre-schools cost as much as tuition at a university. All this to teach toddlers their ABCs and to play nice with others. When you have multiple kids in at the same time, of course, the cost grows exponentially. Believe me, I’ve paid through the nose over the years.
My youngest three children were all born in December, which means that they missed the cut-off for kindergarten. Of course, this results in yet another year of pre-school and thousands more out of my pocket. Let me give you real numbers here.
The pre-school I have been sending my girls to for the past five years is a Montessori school right near my house. Their tuition for 8:30 AM to 3:30 PM, five days a week is $850 a month. That comes out to $7,650 for the school year (August through May) per child. Then you have to pay for summer camp, which conservatively will run you $200 a week, so an extra $2000 more or less, for a grand total of $9,650 per year per child. I thought this was expensive, so I looked into other pre-school programs in the area. They are even more expensive. One quoted me a half-day ( 9:00 AM to 1:30 PM) 5 days a week for $8,455 and full day (until 3:00 PM) 5 days for $10,330 a school year. Plus summer camp, of course.
Compare this with college. The University of Florida charges only $4,340 per year for in-state students, half of the pre-school tuition. On the other hand, private university like my alma mater, the University of Miami, is much more expensive. Its tuition is $36,188 two semesters. Yes, it is outrageously expensive. However, college students and their families have financial aid available as well as low interest student loans. On average, almost 80% of students who applied for financial aid got it, and they received over $17,000 against their tuition as a gift, bringing the total cost down to around $20,000 a year, only double the pre-school cost.
In addition, college students can work part-time to offset some of the cost. What are your toddlers going to do to pay for their pre-school tuition? Sell cups of homemade lemonade for $1,000 each?
This year, with the economy in shambles, I have elected to keep my youngest at home and keep that money in my bank. Next year, when she is 4, she will qualify for Florida’s state VPK program, which pays for 3 hours of preschool instruction a day. I think the pre-school deliberately puts the VPK hours in the middle of the day (noon to 3:00 PM) so you will be forced to pay for the “wrap-around program” for $585 a month, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
In the meantime, my advise to you is save now for pre-school. You will be glad you did!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
In Case of Temper Tantrum, Break Glass
I know I am not the only mother who has watched a toddler having an all-out temper tantrum and wondered if there is something wrong with her child. Chemical imbalances? Poltergeists? Psychological issues? Your kid just doesn’t like you? Before you go hauling your 2 or 3 year-old off to be examined by a bunch of specialists, please read this post. In 99.999% of the cases, there is a very simple explanation…Your child is a toddler.
It seems unreasonable to us that a person would turn completely red and his body thrash around because he can’t have another cookie, or would continuously scream at the top of her lungs for the entire 45 minute car ride in a vehicle filled with other people because she doesn’t like the song on the radio. However, we need to remember that reason doesn’t really factor in here.
When they are babies, they are working very hard to get control of their own bodies, sitting, walking, picking stuff up, etc.. When they are toddlers, they are working on getting control of their emotions. Keep in mind that they are in a near-constant state of frustration. They can see things they want, but can’t reach them; they can walk, but can’t go everywhere they want; they can talk, but often don’t have the vocabulary or patience to express themselves verbally.
Here are some strategies I have used successfully. The next time your kid has a temper tantrum, you should try one or more of them out. You will probably find that one or two are more effective given your personality and your child’s.
• Distract – This is one of the only times you will be happy that your toddler has the attention span of a fly. Pretend that he is not screaming his head off, totally ignore the topic of the temper tantrum and start talking in a loud, upbeat voice about something pleasant or interesting to your child. Here’s an example: “Hey, it’s almost your birthday (or Christmas, or summer vacation, or July 4th, time for dinner, etc…)! What do you want as a gift/where do you want to go/what do you want to eat?”
• Commiserate – This only works if you are being silly. Let’s say she wants something that she can’t have, like a pacifier you are trying to wean her from. You can say, “Daddy hasn’t let me have my binky for a long time either!” Then pretend to suck your thumb. Chances are, you will have an end to the temper tantrum and even get a smile or laugh out of it.
• Hold her hand – This one is really counterintuitive. Our first instinct when faced with a no-holds-barred temper tantrum is to have a bit of a temper tantrum ourselves and yell out our frustration. This always backfires, and makes the kid’s temper tantrum even worse. When your child is having a temper tantrum, try just holding her hand. You don’t even have to say anything, but this simple act reassures her that you love her and helps her calm down. I usually use this one in the car.
• Talk about choices – Even toddlers can begin to understand that when they behave a certain way, it is a choice they are making. There are good choices and bad choices. Good choices result in positive consequences and bad choices result in unpleasant consequences. See my postings How to Get Your Kids to Behave – The First Secret and How to Get Your Kids to Behave – The Second Secret. When my little ones are misbehaving, I first ask, “Is [the behavior] a good choice or a bad choice?” Don’t be surprised if you don’t get an answer. Next, explain the consequences associated with either the action or the desired behavior. Example: “Screaming because you can’t have something is a bad choice. If you keep screaming, I will have to take you outside for a timeout,” or the opposite approach “If you stop screaming and behave in the grocery store, you can have Tic Tacs when it is time to pay.”
Whatever your strategy for dealing with temper tantrums, keep your cool. Remember that your kid isn’t freaking out in order to frustrate or torture you (that’s just a side benefit). Once it is over, and the kids are asleep, take a deep breath and do something relaxing. Dealing with cranky toddlers is hard work, and you deserve it.
It seems unreasonable to us that a person would turn completely red and his body thrash around because he can’t have another cookie, or would continuously scream at the top of her lungs for the entire 45 minute car ride in a vehicle filled with other people because she doesn’t like the song on the radio. However, we need to remember that reason doesn’t really factor in here.
When they are babies, they are working very hard to get control of their own bodies, sitting, walking, picking stuff up, etc.. When they are toddlers, they are working on getting control of their emotions. Keep in mind that they are in a near-constant state of frustration. They can see things they want, but can’t reach them; they can walk, but can’t go everywhere they want; they can talk, but often don’t have the vocabulary or patience to express themselves verbally.
Here are some strategies I have used successfully. The next time your kid has a temper tantrum, you should try one or more of them out. You will probably find that one or two are more effective given your personality and your child’s.
• Distract – This is one of the only times you will be happy that your toddler has the attention span of a fly. Pretend that he is not screaming his head off, totally ignore the topic of the temper tantrum and start talking in a loud, upbeat voice about something pleasant or interesting to your child. Here’s an example: “Hey, it’s almost your birthday (or Christmas, or summer vacation, or July 4th, time for dinner, etc…)! What do you want as a gift/where do you want to go/what do you want to eat?”
• Commiserate – This only works if you are being silly. Let’s say she wants something that she can’t have, like a pacifier you are trying to wean her from. You can say, “Daddy hasn’t let me have my binky for a long time either!” Then pretend to suck your thumb. Chances are, you will have an end to the temper tantrum and even get a smile or laugh out of it.
• Hold her hand – This one is really counterintuitive. Our first instinct when faced with a no-holds-barred temper tantrum is to have a bit of a temper tantrum ourselves and yell out our frustration. This always backfires, and makes the kid’s temper tantrum even worse. When your child is having a temper tantrum, try just holding her hand. You don’t even have to say anything, but this simple act reassures her that you love her and helps her calm down. I usually use this one in the car.
• Talk about choices – Even toddlers can begin to understand that when they behave a certain way, it is a choice they are making. There are good choices and bad choices. Good choices result in positive consequences and bad choices result in unpleasant consequences. See my postings How to Get Your Kids to Behave – The First Secret and How to Get Your Kids to Behave – The Second Secret. When my little ones are misbehaving, I first ask, “Is [the behavior] a good choice or a bad choice?” Don’t be surprised if you don’t get an answer. Next, explain the consequences associated with either the action or the desired behavior. Example: “Screaming because you can’t have something is a bad choice. If you keep screaming, I will have to take you outside for a timeout,” or the opposite approach “If you stop screaming and behave in the grocery store, you can have Tic Tacs when it is time to pay.”
Whatever your strategy for dealing with temper tantrums, keep your cool. Remember that your kid isn’t freaking out in order to frustrate or torture you (that’s just a side benefit). Once it is over, and the kids are asleep, take a deep breath and do something relaxing. Dealing with cranky toddlers is hard work, and you deserve it.
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