And a Little Child Shall Lead Them...

A lofty purpose?

A few days ago, one of our community members, Yosef, had a stroke. Yosef is not just an anonymous man who comes to services, does his thing and goes home. He is like an extra grandfather to my children, and is always kind and loving, dispensing hugs and lollipops every shabbat. 

We wish him a full return to health. Please meditate on him and send him healing - his name is Yosef ben Rachel.

When I told my daughters about what happened and that Yosef was in the hospital, Miriam burst into tears and sobbed in my arms for about twenty minutes. Then she, along with the others, set about making him get well cards, which we gave to his daughter-in-law on shabbat to pass along to him. 

But it didn't end there. All during the Torah reading and meditations, which lasted about two and a half hours, my 8-year old and my 6-year old sat in the lobby and scanned the Zohar to send Yosef healing energy. Later, Leah, the 6-year old, patiently explained to her little sister how to scan for healing. "You scan from right to left," she told Rebecca, "and you say 'Please, please, please, Man in the Sky, make him feel better!" (Okay, so I know we need to work on terminology, but still...)

I'm not telling you all this to pat myself on the back as a great parent. Through this terrible event, I got a view into my children's heads, and I was stunned by what I found. 

Most kids are self absorbed. The Zohar talks about how babies are born with their fists clenched tight, signifying their desire to receive for themselves alone. The growing up process is supposed to be us learning how to transform that into a desire to receive for the sake of sharing. As parents, we are constantly trying to instill good values in our children, and it may seem as if they just don't hear us. But they do. They hear everything you say (and a lot you don't say) and they store it away in their consciousness until they need it, and then they surprise you.

The other point I want to make is the amazing power in teaching kabbalah to children. You may think they are too young to grasp the metaphysics, and you are probably right. But there is a tremendous amount you can teach them, even at a very young age. If the spiritual seeds are planted and nurtured, they will grow, and these children will change the world. So, support programs like Success for Kids, which provides these invaluable lessons to kids from all walks of life, and all religious backgrounds. The world won't change until we change it.

Beeing Mindful: What We Can Learn From Bees

Bees are fascinating creatures. When we look at them, they seem at first blush very different from humans, but if you look at little closer, you will find that they have a lot to teach us.

1. When you live in unity with a shared purpose, you can receive all that you need to live, plus more. – Honeybees each have their own individual roles in the hive, but they all work in unity for the good of the hive. Working together, with the queen producing the next generation and some bees gathering nectar, others building the hive and feeding the young, etc., the entire hive prospers and produces more than enough honey to feed the colony. Try to surround yourself with people who share your goals and have complementary skills, so that you can all work together. Ideally, your family and your work environment will function like a hive. If not, choose the role of queen bee and try to bring unity to the group.
2. Choose a leader and follow him or her. – Honeybees have one queen, and that is the one they are loyal to. Whether you are talking about a spiritual leader or a spouse, pick one person that you are committed to and then stop looking for someone else who may be a little bit better.
3. Nothing is impossible. – According to the laws of aerodynamics, the bees’ small wings cannot possibly support their relatively large bodies, so it should be impossible for them to fly. Yet they do it. Maybe because they don’t know the laws of aerodynamics, they don’t limit themselves (sort of like in the Roadrunner cartoons where he runs off the cliff and doesn’t fall until he looks down).
4. Guard your entrances. – Bees produce a substance called propolis, that they spread at the entrance to their hives. The propolis seals the cracks in the hive and protects them from incursion from ants and viruses.  Similarly, we can make sure that our entrances, our eyes and ears, are protected from negativity. When people continually complain and find fault, when people speak badly of other people, we need to walk away or change the subject. We can also protect what we see by avoiding gratuitous violent or sexual images. And we can make an effort to surround ourselves with positive people with good values and avoid the other kind.
5. Choose your battles. – When a honeybee stings a person or animal, it dies because its stinger is closely attached to the rest of its body and the back part of its body comes off with the stinger. This makes it extra important for the bee to decide very carefully when it is worth sacrificing its life. So the next time you get mad about something, think if it is worth your life to react, because little by little, anger can lead to heart attacks and other dangerous conditions, albeit at a much slower pace than for bees.
6. Work hard. – We don’t say “busy as a bee” for nothing! Bees know the value of hard work, and they are willing to put the energy in to get their desired result.
7. Share your knowledge. – Like bees, people are not meant to be solitary creatures. When a bee finds a good source of nectar or identifies a potential threat to the hive, it communicates to the other bees through scent or by doing an elaborate dance. We don’t have to dance, but we should tell people we care about if we see an opportunity or a threat that may impact them. 
8. Immortality is possible. -  When archaeologists unearthed the ancient tombs of the pharaohs in Egypt, the found honey among the personal effects. Even after thousands of years, the honey was still good and perfectly edible! If we keep the right consciousness, we may be able to last as long and remain as sweet as that ancient honey. 

Christmas Cheer Only Once a Year?

There are a number of phrases used to describe the period between Thanksgiving and New Years, but the one that irks me the most is “the season for giving.” Don’t get me wrong. I love the concept of giving; it’s the season part that bothers me. Why should there be a season to give? There is a season for strawberries, a season for skiing, a season for planting, but giving is (or should be) a year round activity.

Do homeless people only need food and shelter at Christmastime? What about cancer patients? Do they only suffer and die in the last two weeks of the year? How about the millions of young girls in developing nations who are kidnapped, imprisoned and forced to work in brothels every year? Are they safe and happy the other 50 weeks of the year?

Maybe it’s time to reconsider the concept of a season of giving. The Kabbalists explain that the only way we can grow spiritually is to restrict and to share constantly. They also acknowledge that it is against our nature as humans to do so. It’s not easy. But don’t we owe it to ourselves to put in the effort even when we are not being reminded by the Salvation Army bell ringing on every corner?

At Christmas, Santa Claus is everywhere, and my kids when they were little, along with every other kid, got excited about him. “When is Santa coming to our house?” they’d ask me. Patiently, I explained to them that Santa is not a real person, but rather an idea. The idea is that of selfless sharing and unconditional love. Santa never takes for himself, only gives, and the giving makes him happy. This is a beautiful idea, and a worthwhile one. Even though it’s pretty abstract, my kids got it.

The idea is not to sit and wait for Santa, but to emulate him (and I don’t mean dressing up in a big red suit trimmed with fur), not just at this time of the year, but to do it all year long. That is the only way to make a lasting difference in our lives and in the world.

Invisible Connections

This morning, my girls were running late to the bus. We dashed out to the car so I could drive them to the bus stop. They just made the bus, and I headed home.

It was foggy. Not just the ground-hugging fog that burns off as soon as the sun rises, but a real pervasive fog which was just starting to dissipate when I got home. While walking down the walk to my front door, I noticed an incredibly detailed spider web on one of my plants.

Each strand of spider silk was beaded with tiny drops of water that had condensed from the fog, so the entire intricate pattern of the web was visible. Then I started to look closer. There were spider webs all over: in groups of leaves in a cup shape, between branches in the traditional concentric circle shape. The webs were so densely and beautifully woven that they looked like the most delicate lace imaginable, something a fairy queen might wear.

Spiders have two sides. Many people fear them and they are associated with dark, evil and fear in just about every book or movie in which they appear. Some spiders are extremely venomous, and are even deadly to humans. Yet organic farmers consider spiders to be a positive addition, since they destroy nothing, while eating bugs that kill plants and crops. Spider silk is extremely light weight, but for its weight is stronger than steel.

When I’d run out of the house to drop my kids at the bus stop, I hadn’t noticed any of these incredible works of art, even though I went right by them. How many things of beauty or significance do we breeze by without taking any notice? We get caught up in our day-to-day life, in our routines and there are moments, important moments that we miss.

Just like the spider, these missed moments have two sides. The look of hurt on a child’s face when you make what you think is a funny comment, a close call that should have made you more cautious, but was promptly forgotten or dismissed as coincidence. A toddler’s look of accomplishment at mastering a new skill, or a flash of gratitude from your teenager.

Once I noticed the webs, I started to notice that they were not just local events. Most of the webs included strands that connected one plant to another plant, a fence or other object. And it got me thinking about how everything is connected, although we rarely see it. When you are kind to a stranger, that deed is connected to something out in the world that you may never know about. Maybe it results in another mother’s cancer going into remission or a child forgetting something and not being in a place where he was destined to be a victim of a drive-by shooting. And it works the other way, too. Refusing to give to a homeless man on the street with a cardboard sign may mean that you will be the next one laid off in your company. Your angry words might send someone into the bottomless pit of meth addiction.

I will be more mindful, more careful to listen and to notice. I will be more conscious of the unseen effect that my words, thoughts and actions have in the world. At least until I’m running late for the bus again.

The Value of Values

I don’t know about you, but during the George W. Bush administrations, I got sick and tired of hearing the old saw about “family values.” In my opinion, many of these so-called values had more to do with intolerance and closemindedness than anything positive. But this isn’t a political blog.

The point I want to make is that the politicians’ overuse of the phrase has made a lot of us jaded regarding one of the most important things we need to do as parents – instill good values in our children.

Here are some of my thoughts on good values:

Sharing
Once a child reaches the age of two, this is one of the first things we try to teach. There is nothing more mortifying than getting together with a girlfriend who has a kid the same age as yours and watching your child yank her toy away from the other kid yelling “Mine!” at the top of her lungs as your friend tries to comfort her screaming toddler.

I remember going to Shabbat services at the Kabbalah Centre and sitting next to a woman I know, her young son and his little friend. The kid’s friend wanted to play with the boy’s toy airplane and he boy told his mom, “I don’t want to share.” The mom smiled wryly and said, “I don’t want to either.” The irony of this, for those of you who do not study Kabbalah, is that we are told over and over that in order for us to grow spiritually, we must share. But most of the time we don’t want to. It’s too inconvenient or expensive or time consuming. But when we don’t want to is exactly the time we need to do it the most.

With my kids, I teach them that although I understand that they might be cranky if they are hungry or tired or not feeling well or had a bad day at school, they are still required to behave. It may not seem like sharing to maintain good behavior in this situation, but if you think about it, the kid is forced to think about other people before his own desires, and that is sharing at its core. It is that kind of going above and beyond when you don’t feel like it that makes the difference.

Empathy
The other day, my daughter Leah was upset over something. I can’t remember exactly what it was because she has a tendency to get upset over small things when she is tired and it was one of those times. The thing that struck me this time was as soon as she started crying, her big sister Mia came over and hugged her. She put her face next to Leah’s face and murmured comforting things in her ear. Then she put her arm around her and brought her into her room to read a book with her. These are moments as a parent that make everything worthwhile.

I don’t snowboard or do skateboard tricks or bungee jump, but occasionally I get my thrills through extreme parenting. What I mean by this is that I attempt to teach the concept of empathy (frequently unsuccessfully) while my kids are fighting. Here’s my thought process. Fights erupt because one or both kids are judging each other (you took my candy, you’re being annoying, you’re a jerk, you’re a liar, etc.). If I can stop them from judging and open them up to where the other person is coming from, then not only will it diffuse the current fight, but it just might prevent future conflicts.

This is a long-term strategy, so I’ll let you know how it works as time goes on.

Taking Responsibility
When I was a kid, I used to love the Sunday comics (a concept which is totally foreign to my own kids who think that multiple television channels with 24/7 children’s programming is the norm). There was a cartoon called Family Circus, which you might remember, and the little boy had an invisible twin named Not Me. Whenever something broke, it was always Not Me who did it.

In our house, we needed more room, so we enclosed our garage and made it into my husband’s home office and a library, where we have our second TV. This is where the kids watch TV a lot of the time and the room would always get trashed from all the food, wrappers and plates that would accumulate in there. So we imposed a rule that there was no eating in the library. Now, if there are kids in the library and I catch one of them with food, the TV goes off for everyone. They all need to take responsibility for making sure that no one breaks the rule. If they don’t, everyone suffers. This has worked out pretty well for me. They still mess up the library, but nothing like before.

There are, of course, other values that we want to see in our kids: honesty, courage, humility, kindness, and self-confidence. It’s my opinion, however, that these spring out of the other three: sharing, empathy and responsibility. If you have any stories or experiences teaching values to your kids, please comment below.

Miracle Child

There are many stories about miracle children: children who were conceived against all odds. I don’t have one of those stories. I’ve never had trouble conceiving, although I feel deeply for those women who do. I have a story about how a miracle saved my child’s life.

In the Hebrew month of Av (which usually falls around August), our spiritual teacher, Eliyahu Jian, called my husband in to meet with him. This was unusual since meetings were almost always initiated by the student. When my husband, Tony, went to meet with him, Eliyahu told him that we had to give charity.

In most places, people ask nicely for charitable contributions and make a big deal of those who give, but not in the Kabbalah Centre. Spiritually, charity is something that is not just nice to do; it can actually remove a judgment of death, so when you give it, you are doing it for yourself and not as a favor for anyone else. After discussing it, we wrote an uncomfortably large check for charity.

Several days later, on the 14th day of Av, our family was out by our pool. Since we live in south Florida where it is sweltering and sticky well into October, we spend most weekends by the pool. Tony was working on refinishing a table. I was in the pool, playing with my older kids and Rebecca, the baby, was toddling around the patio. She was 20 months old and the only one who couldn’t yet swim, so we made sure she was safe by putting her in a one-piece bathing suit with built-in Styrofoam pads for floatation.

It was a beautiful day and everyone was having fun. Suddenly, Danny yelled out, “Rebecca!” I turned around, and there, floating face down in the water, was my baby. Somehow, the safety bathing suit had held her front in the water and she was too little to lift her head up from that position.

I grabbed her as fast as I could. She was unconscious, and her lips were blue. I didn’t know CPR, and neither did my husband. I had her upright in my arms and her little head was flopped to one side.

My five-year old daughter, Miriam, ran inside and got a volume of the Zohar and pressed the book against the baby’s body, (http://www.kabbalah.com/11.php), as did my nine-year-old son. My husband was praying hard. I was frantic, but a part of me seemed to know what to do. As I look back, it seems that someone else took over during those critical minutes because I hadn’t a clue about what to do and very little of my rational brain was functioning. I shifted her body up until her belly was on my shoulder and I squeezed her tightly to me. When I did that, a huge amount of water gushed forth from her mouth and she started to regain consciousness just a little. It seemed impossible that so much water could even be contained in her little body, but I squeezed her again, and almost the same amount came out as before. She started to cry.

Meanwhile, Tony was on the phone with 911, and the ambulance arrived quickly. Sirens blaring, the paramedics raced us to a nearby emergency room, where Tony met us later once he got a neighbor to watch the other kids. He brought a volume from the Zohar for healing, called Pinchas. I opened it up to look at the Hebrew letters (a visual connection is all that is necessary to bring blessings into a person’s life) and it opened to a section talking about removing the judgment from water. It specifically mentioned flood and drowning. As I looked at the letters, I had the sense that I could go inside Rebecca’s tiny body at high speed, and then I felt certain that everything would be alright.

In the emergency room, the doctors scanned Rebecca’s lungs to see if there was any water still in there. There was only a tiny bit, which they said her body could easily absorb. Their next step was to keep her overnight to make sure that she had no brain damage as a result of being deprived of oxygen. Remarkably, she had absolutely no lasting effects from the near-drowning.

Shortly after she got back home, she went in the pool again (with a different safety device on as well as multiple pairs of hyper-watchful eyes). She never even had any fear of water or swimming, and today, at 3 ½ she can swim about two-thirds the length of the pool under water without coming up for air. It was as if the whole thing had never happened.

It has changed my life, though. For one thing, I know with absolute certainty that the kabbalistic tools (charity, the Zohar) work. I am supremely grateful that I have access to them, thanks to Rav and Karen Berg. I appreciate Rebecca and all my children with a new intensity because I know how easily everything we take for granted can be taken away. And lastly, I know that we always have to keep growing and keep working spiritually because it’s the only way we can truly affect the way our future will be played out.

The Meaning of Life

Everyone has heard the expression, “nobody’s perfect,” but did you ever wonder why that is? In fact, have you ever wondered what is the meaning of life? Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world if God is all-powerful and all good? Most religions talk about how the world was created, but do any of them say why it was created in the first place?

There is one spiritual discipline that does answer these questions and many more. It is an ancient wisdom called Kabbalah. This wisdom has been handed down from teacher to student throughout the generations, beginning with Abraham the Patriarch. Numerous great thinkers, including Plato, Jung, Edison, Newton and Einstein studied it, and it has shaped the world we live in, albeit behind the scenes.

According to the sages, each soul comes to this world to perfect itself. Of course, each soul is distinct and has to deal with different issues that it needs to correct. Although it is possible for a soul to correct itself in one lifetime, it is so difficult that it usually it takes multiple, sometimes hundreds of lifetimes to get it right. Why should it be so hard?

The idea is that at one time, before the creation of the physical universe, all of the souls had a relationship with God where God gave us all possible fulfillment. However, it is a law of the universe that when you get something that you didn’t earn and don’t deserve, you feel ashamed. The physical universe was created to give us a chance to earn everlasting fulfillment by struggling against our own negativity. If the task of overcoming our challenges were easy, then we would not be able to earn the Light of the Creator.

So how do you go about correcting your soul so you can earn complete fulfillment for all eternity? Stay tuned for my upcoming article where I discuss The Soul’s Correction, or go to www.kabbalah.com.