This Thursday is my husband's and my 15th wedding anniversary. Many years ago before we were even married, I had a journal that I used to write in all the time. It was part diary, and had a lot of poems in it too. Occasionally, I would read the poems out loud to my husband (then boyfriend). So, he figured that because I shared some of the content in my journal, that he was free to peruse the rest of it. Not only did he read the private parts of my journal without permission, but then he got mad about some of the things I had written in it about relationships I'd had before I even met him. So, as a result of that huge fight, I stopped writing poetry.
Now, 15+ years later, I decided start writing poetry again. This poem, to my husband, is about how love changes over time.
When we first met
I dove into you
Head over heels
Shocked and delighted
Immersed in your eyes
That was long ago
I tasted a bite of madness
So madly in love was I
With your smile and the richness
Of your laugh
Many years ago
Now the madness has receded and
Sanity has returned
I no longer vainly try to quiet butterflies
At the thought of seeing you
Now I go deeper
Every part of me resonates with your soul’s music
Our love has left the sunny meadows and hills
It’s battled dark things
And glimpsed the Light
Words fall defeated when confronted with
Describing the fruits that have budded and ripened in our orchard
Each one more wondrous than a magical journey
Half remembered from a dream
And there’s more and more of you to know
Because love is ever expansive
Limitless
It’s about Now swaddled in Forever
And I still lose myself in the curve of your face
Showing posts with label Miracle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miracle. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Invisible Connections
This morning, my girls were running late to the bus. We dashed out to the car so I could drive them to the bus stop. They just made the bus, and I headed home.
It was foggy. Not just the ground-hugging fog that burns off as soon as the sun rises, but a real pervasive fog which was just starting to dissipate when I got home. While walking down the walk to my front door, I noticed an incredibly detailed spider web on one of my plants.
Each strand of spider silk was beaded with tiny drops of water that had condensed from the fog, so the entire intricate pattern of the web was visible. Then I started to look closer. There were spider webs all over: in groups of leaves in a cup shape, between branches in the traditional concentric circle shape. The webs were so densely and beautifully woven that they looked like the most delicate lace imaginable, something a fairy queen might wear.
Spiders have two sides. Many people fear them and they are associated with dark, evil and fear in just about every book or movie in which they appear. Some spiders are extremely venomous, and are even deadly to humans. Yet organic farmers consider spiders to be a positive addition, since they destroy nothing, while eating bugs that kill plants and crops. Spider silk is extremely light weight, but for its weight is stronger than steel.
When I’d run out of the house to drop my kids at the bus stop, I hadn’t noticed any of these incredible works of art, even though I went right by them. How many things of beauty or significance do we breeze by without taking any notice? We get caught up in our day-to-day life, in our routines and there are moments, important moments that we miss.
Just like the spider, these missed moments have two sides. The look of hurt on a child’s face when you make what you think is a funny comment, a close call that should have made you more cautious, but was promptly forgotten or dismissed as coincidence. A toddler’s look of accomplishment at mastering a new skill, or a flash of gratitude from your teenager.
Once I noticed the webs, I started to notice that they were not just local events. Most of the webs included strands that connected one plant to another plant, a fence or other object. And it got me thinking about how everything is connected, although we rarely see it. When you are kind to a stranger, that deed is connected to something out in the world that you may never know about. Maybe it results in another mother’s cancer going into remission or a child forgetting something and not being in a place where he was destined to be a victim of a drive-by shooting. And it works the other way, too. Refusing to give to a homeless man on the street with a cardboard sign may mean that you will be the next one laid off in your company. Your angry words might send someone into the bottomless pit of meth addiction.
I will be more mindful, more careful to listen and to notice. I will be more conscious of the unseen effect that my words, thoughts and actions have in the world. At least until I’m running late for the bus again.
It was foggy. Not just the ground-hugging fog that burns off as soon as the sun rises, but a real pervasive fog which was just starting to dissipate when I got home. While walking down the walk to my front door, I noticed an incredibly detailed spider web on one of my plants.
Each strand of spider silk was beaded with tiny drops of water that had condensed from the fog, so the entire intricate pattern of the web was visible. Then I started to look closer. There were spider webs all over: in groups of leaves in a cup shape, between branches in the traditional concentric circle shape. The webs were so densely and beautifully woven that they looked like the most delicate lace imaginable, something a fairy queen might wear.
Spiders have two sides. Many people fear them and they are associated with dark, evil and fear in just about every book or movie in which they appear. Some spiders are extremely venomous, and are even deadly to humans. Yet organic farmers consider spiders to be a positive addition, since they destroy nothing, while eating bugs that kill plants and crops. Spider silk is extremely light weight, but for its weight is stronger than steel.
When I’d run out of the house to drop my kids at the bus stop, I hadn’t noticed any of these incredible works of art, even though I went right by them. How many things of beauty or significance do we breeze by without taking any notice? We get caught up in our day-to-day life, in our routines and there are moments, important moments that we miss.
Just like the spider, these missed moments have two sides. The look of hurt on a child’s face when you make what you think is a funny comment, a close call that should have made you more cautious, but was promptly forgotten or dismissed as coincidence. A toddler’s look of accomplishment at mastering a new skill, or a flash of gratitude from your teenager.
Once I noticed the webs, I started to notice that they were not just local events. Most of the webs included strands that connected one plant to another plant, a fence or other object. And it got me thinking about how everything is connected, although we rarely see it. When you are kind to a stranger, that deed is connected to something out in the world that you may never know about. Maybe it results in another mother’s cancer going into remission or a child forgetting something and not being in a place where he was destined to be a victim of a drive-by shooting. And it works the other way, too. Refusing to give to a homeless man on the street with a cardboard sign may mean that you will be the next one laid off in your company. Your angry words might send someone into the bottomless pit of meth addiction.
I will be more mindful, more careful to listen and to notice. I will be more conscious of the unseen effect that my words, thoughts and actions have in the world. At least until I’m running late for the bus again.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Miracle Child
There are many stories about miracle children: children who were conceived against all odds. I don’t have one of those stories. I’ve never had trouble conceiving, although I feel deeply for those women who do. I have a story about how a miracle saved my child’s life.
In the Hebrew month of Av (which usually falls around August), our spiritual teacher, Eliyahu Jian, called my husband in to meet with him. This was unusual since meetings were almost always initiated by the student. When my husband, Tony, went to meet with him, Eliyahu told him that we had to give charity.
In most places, people ask nicely for charitable contributions and make a big deal of those who give, but not in the Kabbalah Centre. Spiritually, charity is something that is not just nice to do; it can actually remove a judgment of death, so when you give it, you are doing it for yourself and not as a favor for anyone else. After discussing it, we wrote an uncomfortably large check for charity.
Several days later, on the 14th day of Av, our family was out by our pool. Since we live in south Florida where it is sweltering and sticky well into October, we spend most weekends by the pool. Tony was working on refinishing a table. I was in the pool, playing with my older kids and Rebecca, the baby, was toddling around the patio. She was 20 months old and the only one who couldn’t yet swim, so we made sure she was safe by putting her in a one-piece bathing suit with built-in Styrofoam pads for floatation.
It was a beautiful day and everyone was having fun. Suddenly, Danny yelled out, “Rebecca!” I turned around, and there, floating face down in the water, was my baby. Somehow, the safety bathing suit had held her front in the water and she was too little to lift her head up from that position.
I grabbed her as fast as I could. She was unconscious, and her lips were blue. I didn’t know CPR, and neither did my husband. I had her upright in my arms and her little head was flopped to one side.
My five-year old daughter, Miriam, ran inside and got a volume of the Zohar and pressed the book against the baby’s body, (http://www.kabbalah.com/11.php), as did my nine-year-old son. My husband was praying hard. I was frantic, but a part of me seemed to know what to do. As I look back, it seems that someone else took over during those critical minutes because I hadn’t a clue about what to do and very little of my rational brain was functioning. I shifted her body up until her belly was on my shoulder and I squeezed her tightly to me. When I did that, a huge amount of water gushed forth from her mouth and she started to regain consciousness just a little. It seemed impossible that so much water could even be contained in her little body, but I squeezed her again, and almost the same amount came out as before. She started to cry.
Meanwhile, Tony was on the phone with 911, and the ambulance arrived quickly. Sirens blaring, the paramedics raced us to a nearby emergency room, where Tony met us later once he got a neighbor to watch the other kids. He brought a volume from the Zohar for healing, called Pinchas. I opened it up to look at the Hebrew letters (a visual connection is all that is necessary to bring blessings into a person’s life) and it opened to a section talking about removing the judgment from water. It specifically mentioned flood and drowning. As I looked at the letters, I had the sense that I could go inside Rebecca’s tiny body at high speed, and then I felt certain that everything would be alright.
In the emergency room, the doctors scanned Rebecca’s lungs to see if there was any water still in there. There was only a tiny bit, which they said her body could easily absorb. Their next step was to keep her overnight to make sure that she had no brain damage as a result of being deprived of oxygen. Remarkably, she had absolutely no lasting effects from the near-drowning.
Shortly after she got back home, she went in the pool again (with a different safety device on as well as multiple pairs of hyper-watchful eyes). She never even had any fear of water or swimming, and today, at 3 ½ she can swim about two-thirds the length of the pool under water without coming up for air. It was as if the whole thing had never happened.
It has changed my life, though. For one thing, I know with absolute certainty that the kabbalistic tools (charity, the Zohar) work. I am supremely grateful that I have access to them, thanks to Rav and Karen Berg. I appreciate Rebecca and all my children with a new intensity because I know how easily everything we take for granted can be taken away. And lastly, I know that we always have to keep growing and keep working spiritually because it’s the only way we can truly affect the way our future will be played out.
In the Hebrew month of Av (which usually falls around August), our spiritual teacher, Eliyahu Jian, called my husband in to meet with him. This was unusual since meetings were almost always initiated by the student. When my husband, Tony, went to meet with him, Eliyahu told him that we had to give charity.
In most places, people ask nicely for charitable contributions and make a big deal of those who give, but not in the Kabbalah Centre. Spiritually, charity is something that is not just nice to do; it can actually remove a judgment of death, so when you give it, you are doing it for yourself and not as a favor for anyone else. After discussing it, we wrote an uncomfortably large check for charity.
Several days later, on the 14th day of Av, our family was out by our pool. Since we live in south Florida where it is sweltering and sticky well into October, we spend most weekends by the pool. Tony was working on refinishing a table. I was in the pool, playing with my older kids and Rebecca, the baby, was toddling around the patio. She was 20 months old and the only one who couldn’t yet swim, so we made sure she was safe by putting her in a one-piece bathing suit with built-in Styrofoam pads for floatation.
It was a beautiful day and everyone was having fun. Suddenly, Danny yelled out, “Rebecca!” I turned around, and there, floating face down in the water, was my baby. Somehow, the safety bathing suit had held her front in the water and she was too little to lift her head up from that position.
I grabbed her as fast as I could. She was unconscious, and her lips were blue. I didn’t know CPR, and neither did my husband. I had her upright in my arms and her little head was flopped to one side.
My five-year old daughter, Miriam, ran inside and got a volume of the Zohar and pressed the book against the baby’s body, (http://www.kabbalah.com/11.php), as did my nine-year-old son. My husband was praying hard. I was frantic, but a part of me seemed to know what to do. As I look back, it seems that someone else took over during those critical minutes because I hadn’t a clue about what to do and very little of my rational brain was functioning. I shifted her body up until her belly was on my shoulder and I squeezed her tightly to me. When I did that, a huge amount of water gushed forth from her mouth and she started to regain consciousness just a little. It seemed impossible that so much water could even be contained in her little body, but I squeezed her again, and almost the same amount came out as before. She started to cry.
Meanwhile, Tony was on the phone with 911, and the ambulance arrived quickly. Sirens blaring, the paramedics raced us to a nearby emergency room, where Tony met us later once he got a neighbor to watch the other kids. He brought a volume from the Zohar for healing, called Pinchas. I opened it up to look at the Hebrew letters (a visual connection is all that is necessary to bring blessings into a person’s life) and it opened to a section talking about removing the judgment from water. It specifically mentioned flood and drowning. As I looked at the letters, I had the sense that I could go inside Rebecca’s tiny body at high speed, and then I felt certain that everything would be alright.
In the emergency room, the doctors scanned Rebecca’s lungs to see if there was any water still in there. There was only a tiny bit, which they said her body could easily absorb. Their next step was to keep her overnight to make sure that she had no brain damage as a result of being deprived of oxygen. Remarkably, she had absolutely no lasting effects from the near-drowning.
Shortly after she got back home, she went in the pool again (with a different safety device on as well as multiple pairs of hyper-watchful eyes). She never even had any fear of water or swimming, and today, at 3 ½ she can swim about two-thirds the length of the pool under water without coming up for air. It was as if the whole thing had never happened.
It has changed my life, though. For one thing, I know with absolute certainty that the kabbalistic tools (charity, the Zohar) work. I am supremely grateful that I have access to them, thanks to Rav and Karen Berg. I appreciate Rebecca and all my children with a new intensity because I know how easily everything we take for granted can be taken away. And lastly, I know that we always have to keep growing and keep working spiritually because it’s the only way we can truly affect the way our future will be played out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
