Vegging Out

Last week, I planted a vegetable garden. It is fairly large, about 9’ x 11’. My garden has tomatoes, Romaine lettuce, banana peppers, herbs (basil, cilantro, parsley, rosemary and French lavender), red peppers, zucchini, cucumber and broccoli, along with some flower seeds. Just today, I saw the first vegetables growing – five tiny tomatoes and a banana pepper.

You might think that I planted it for my kids to show them about where food comes from or as a fun family activity, but actually, it is just for me. It has become my little haven.

There is something so satisfying about working with plants and the earth. It has some qualities in common with parenting in that you feel like you are nurturing living things, but these beautiful growing things you see growing a little bit more every day and take pride in are quiet and still. They have simple needs; just some water and sun, protection from bugs, rabbits and dogs.

Every morning, I go out and water it and say the Ana B’koach (one of the most powerful prayers) to my plants. I feel the sun on my face and look at the growing plants and I start my day feeling great.

I’m not sure why it has this effect on me. Maybe it is the energy of the plants themselves. According to Kabbalah, plants have a positive energy associated with them. Surrounding yourself with plants including trees helps you restrict, so you have a little extra energy to say no to that piece of chocolate cake or to choose not to get angry. In fact, plants have their own holiday, Tu B’Shvat, the new year of the trees.

In any event, having the garden has helped keep me in balance. Right now, when I am surrounded by kids non-stop talking, screaming, laughing, crying and arguing, I'm longing for my garden’s sturdy growing plants with their sweet, sweet silence.

The Quest for Quiet

My favorite part of the movie Click is when the dad points the clicker at his kids and hits the mute button and suddenly there is silence. What parent doesn’t secretly wish his kids could be quieted so easily? With five kids running around, silence is golden mainly because it is just as rare. So I decided to do an experiment – a day of silence from kids. Well, relative silence, anyway. I did not forbid the kids to talk, because that would be setting them and the whole experiment up for failure. As an incentive, I told them that if they were quiet all day, at the end of the day, they would each get $10 to spend at a mall store of their choice.

Here are the rules: No yelling or screaming, whether in happiness or otherwise. No making noise with objects (banging on things, skateboarding in the house, etc.). It is a game but not a contest, so they are not allowed to do something to make another person yell or make noise. This will not help the instigator. No fighting or hurting each other. They can make noise outside as long as it is out of earshot from adults, but they can’t just leave the house all day and still get the prize at the end because that’s cheating.

6:45 AM – I go in to wake the girls up for school and they barely move. This is a little too silent! It takes a while to get them even to wake up enough for them to move over and make room for me to cuddle (our morning ritual). After a great deal of my prodding and singing silly songs, they finally haul their groggy bodies out of bed and quietly get dressed. Miriam is extremely cranky, but manages to whine quietly. I help her find her clothes. The girls make it out the door in time to catch the bus, although Miriam’s hair looks like a bird’s nest. Danny gets up late, so avoids a fight over the bathroom with his sisters. He is so late I have to give him a ride to school (he usually walks), but he is quiet and calm during the short ride. So far, so good.

9:45 AM – Four kids are off for school, and I only have Rebecca at home. As I am trying to work, Rebecca decides she wants to color. I get her crayons and paper and suggest that she makes a belated birthday card for her Nana, whose birthday was last month. She is confused. Why didn’t we go to Nana’s birthday? I explain that she didn’t have a party. Apparently this is incomprehensible to a 3-year old. Then she switches gears. “Is it still your birthday?” she asks me. I explain that no, my birthday was a couple of days ago. More confusion. In her mind, birthdays are major events that necessitate week-long celebrations. I tell her she can still celebrate my birthday if she likes, just quietly. She gets the hint and goes back to coloring.

2:25 PM – The girls get home from school and come in without screaming and yelling. A first! As usual, it takes several reminders to get them to do their homework and chores, but they do so without fussing too loudly. Then they go into the library and allow their brains to be slowly (but quietly) sucked into the television.

4:15 – Danny gets home from middle school and causes no problems initially, mostly by going directly into the library to watch TV. Miriam comes out and starts yelling that Danny is controlling the clicker. She catches herself after I remind her about the Quiet game. I use this opportunity to point out to Danny that he has not done his chores, so he comes out to clean the kitchen. Within five minutes, he yells because he hit his hand on the cabinet, bangs a cabinet door closed, and drops a metal bowl on the floor. So much for quiet. Then he picks a fight with his sister and tells her that he will beat her quietly so she will scream and get out of the game. I remind him of the rules and make it clear that that sort of behavior is not allowed. Danny opens a cabinet door and the lid of a pot falls out and clatters on the floor.

6:30 PM – We decide that since we are planning to go to the mall for the prizes, we may as well eat dinner there too, so we pile into the car. Whatever self-control Danny, Rebecca and Miriam had completely crumbles and they are as noisy as ever. The other two continue being quiet. Once we get to the mall, I tell the loud kids that they didn’t win the prize. However, because they tried, they each get $5 worth of stuff. Let’s face it – even though they weren’t completely quiet, they were a whole lot quieter than normal, so I feel like I got some benefit.

So, what did I learn from my little experiment? First, it is possible to tone down the noise as long as you’re willing to pay. Towards the end of the day, it would be helpful if the kids did something that will keep them busy and out of earshot like going outside because their self control is shot. And finally, don’t expect quiet until the last one moves out of the house.